Comments on: Extrovert or introvert? http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/ musings, thoughts, and writings of Barbara W. Klaser Sat, 21 Jan 2012 23:02:54 -0500 hourly 1 By: Not my Real Name http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-38326 Not my Real Name Thu, 05 May 2011 17:39:07 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-38326 I think I'm an extreme introvert (96% on the MBTI), but in practice it varies from "complete hermit" to "just not real chatty". I actually love hanging out with friends, up to 10 or so, and I prefer 3-5 because I'm more of a "commenter" than a "driver" when it comes to conversation. I virtually never go to bars or parties where large numbers of strangers are present, and I really hate it when I go somewhere with a couple of friends and then they wander off to talk to other people and leave me an island in a sea of strangers. Usually I end up just hiding in a corner until they return. Biggest problem for me is meeting new people, especially women. It's bad enough being a shy man, but my situation is complicated by the fact that I'm also a small/thin man -- not a "strong, silent" type that a woman is likely to make the first move with. I have never in my life (and I'm over 40) been flirted with. The absolute best connections I've had with women have always come from those who are already in a relationship or married, and thus they feel "safe" from the threat of misleading me. I've been told by more friends than I can count to just "suck it up" and "put myself out there", as though everything can be solved just by turning into an extrovert. I think I’m an extreme introvert (96% on the MBTI), but in practice it varies from “complete hermit” to “just not real chatty”. I actually love hanging out with friends, up to 10 or so, and I prefer 3-5 because I’m more of a “commenter” than a “driver” when it comes to conversation. I virtually never go to bars or parties where large numbers of strangers are present, and I really hate it when I go somewhere with a couple of friends and then they wander off to talk to other people and leave me an island in a sea of strangers. Usually I end up just hiding in a corner until they return.

Biggest problem for me is meeting new people, especially women. It’s bad enough being a shy man, but my situation is complicated by the fact that I’m also a small/thin man — not a “strong, silent” type that a woman is likely to make the first move with. I have never in my life (and I’m over 40) been flirted with. The absolute best connections I’ve had with women have always come from those who are already in a relationship or married, and thus they feel “safe” from the threat of misleading me.

I’ve been told by more friends than I can count to just “suck it up” and “put myself out there”, as though everything can be solved just by turning into an extrovert.

]]> By: Anonymous http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-38135 Anonymous Sun, 20 Mar 2011 00:44:57 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-38135 Oh man, this is some comforting stuff!! I'm not sure how I made it 35 years without all this information, but better late than never! I feel like I've been searching for my "tribe" my whole life which has lead me into lots of difficult(for me)communal living situations, most recently a yoga retreat center in Mexico. I always wondered why I was the odd woman out...why didn't I just love all the games and group activities? Why couldn't I just hang out and talk to people for hours? Why would I hide out and wait for everyone to go out or to bed when I was really hungry just to be able to use the kitchen without having to talk to anyone? What was wrong with me?! Well, nothing it seems:) In fact, it's kind of cool to be weird...It's also nice to know that my tribe is out there after all, it's just that we're hiding:) Cheers! Oh man, this is some comforting stuff!! I’m not sure how I made it 35 years without all this information, but better late than never! I feel like I’ve been searching for my “tribe” my whole life which has lead me into lots of difficult(for me)communal living situations, most recently a yoga retreat center in Mexico. I always wondered why I was the odd woman out…why didn’t I just love all the games and group activities? Why couldn’t I just hang out and talk to people for hours? Why would I hide out and wait for everyone to go out or to bed when I was really hungry just to be able to use the kitchen without having to talk to anyone? What was wrong with me?!
Well, nothing it seems:) In fact, it’s kind of cool to be weird…It’s also nice to know that my tribe is out there after all, it’s just that we’re hiding:)

Cheers!

]]> By: Chris http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-37839 Chris Sun, 09 Jan 2011 21:18:18 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-37839 I'm an introvert, too. I've tried to change the way I am because in grade school the teachers were making a fuss about me because they thought I had some kind of mental problems or that I was abused at home and my mother, who is also an introvert, was constantly battling them and she even explained that I was very happy and lively at home and that both of my parents are introverts which means the offspring are most likely to be the same, but they just didn't seem to understand. I felt like I didn't belong and it was impossible for me to change which led to me developing issues with depression. But as I got older I accepted who I am and I'm much happier now. :) It's awesome that there are other introverts out there though. I’m an introvert, too. I’ve tried to change the way I am because in grade school the teachers were making a fuss about me because they thought I had some kind of mental problems or that I was abused at home and my mother, who is also an introvert, was constantly battling them and she even explained that I was very happy and lively at home and that both of my parents are introverts which means the offspring are most likely to be the same, but they just didn’t seem to understand. I felt like I didn’t belong and it was impossible for me to change which led to me developing issues with depression.
But as I got older I accepted who I am and I’m much happier now. :)

It’s awesome that there are other introverts out there though.

]]> By: Miss Anonymous http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-33390 Miss Anonymous Sat, 09 Jan 2010 11:02:21 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-33390 Thanks for your post! I especially liked the part about being serious / "negative" as that is a part of introversion I hadn't previously considered. The hardest thing I found about being so strongly introverted is social expectations. Over the years I've learned to "fake it" in order to survive family obligations, work and even university, but sadly it totally exhausts me and I resent society for making me do this to myself, as I'm sure its not healthy. Despite other people's put-downs and negativity, I have learned to accept my personality as it is, even to be proud of being strongly introverted, but the hard part is overcoming social structures. For example where I live house prices are so much higher than salaries that even as a professional it is common to rent a share house, and eventually buy a place when you are part of a couple. There are so few single apartments, and they are so expensive, that I am wondering if I will ever afford my own place. When shopping the sales assistants chat incessantly, anything less than constant talk and smiles is considered bad service. At work it is open plan offices, meetings and team-work, after work is sports, drinks and other social stuff: if you can't or won't do those things your career will certainly suffer. To me it feels like discrimination, but the law says otherwise, so I've learned to cope as best I can, and am constantly on the lookout for a better option. Thanks for helping me to feel validated! Thanks for your post! I especially liked the part about being serious / “negative” as that is a part of introversion I hadn’t previously considered. The hardest thing I found about being so strongly introverted is social expectations. Over the years I’ve learned to “fake it” in order to survive family obligations, work and even university, but sadly it totally exhausts me and I resent society for making me do this to myself, as I’m sure its not healthy.

Despite other people’s put-downs and negativity, I have learned to accept my personality as it is, even to be proud of being strongly introverted, but the hard part is overcoming social structures. For example where I live house prices are so much higher than salaries that even as a professional it is common to rent a share house, and eventually buy a place when you are part of a couple. There are so few single apartments, and they are so expensive, that I am wondering if I will ever afford my own place. When shopping the sales assistants chat incessantly, anything less than constant talk and smiles is considered bad service. At work it is open plan offices, meetings and team-work, after work is sports, drinks and other social stuff: if you can’t or won’t do those things your career will certainly suffer. To me it feels like discrimination, but the law says otherwise, so I’ve learned to cope as best I can, and am constantly on the lookout for a better option. Thanks for helping me to feel validated!

]]> By: Saputro, Tias http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-31364 Saputro, Tias Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:15:31 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-31364 thanks for the article... it helps me understand myself.. I do know that I am an introvert, an extreme one perhaps.. I have tried to change it, by smile more, act cheerful, and talk alot... but doing those things only made me look silly and suck.. I realize that it will never work...I really cannot express myself, I think i'm the most boring person in the world By reading this, I know that I'm not alone. I will accept myself as it is... thank you very much.. love to you all! thanks for the article… it helps me understand myself..

I do know that I am an introvert, an extreme one perhaps..
I have tried to change it, by smile more, act cheerful, and talk alot…
but doing those things only made me look silly and suck.. I realize that it will never work…I really cannot express myself, I think i’m the most boring person in the world

By reading this, I know that I’m not alone. I will accept myself as it is… thank you very much.. love to you all!

]]> By: Janice Pence http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-31197 Janice Pence Wed, 22 Jul 2009 18:34:49 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-31197 I love this article. I am an Introvert – very introverted and was born into a family of Extroverts. It seemed that no one understood the way I processed information – after all that is the biggest difference between introverts and extroverts. Introverts process by thinking, extroverts process by talking. Both of my children are extroverts, one being is very extroverted. Talk about turning the tables on me. I am trying to learn to just listen to them without becoming overwhelmed with all of the talking. Great article – I loved the topic. I found great resources on the <a href="http://www.knowyourtype.com" rel="nofollow">Myers Briggs</a> definitions of <a href="http://www.knowyourtype.com/extraversion.html" rel="nofollow">Extroversion</a> and <a href="http://www.knowyourtype.com/introversion.html" rel="nofollow">Introversion</a> – they sum up the information for those in the dark. I love this article. I am an Introvert – very introverted and was born into a family of Extroverts. It seemed that no one understood the way I processed information – after all that is the biggest difference between introverts and extroverts. Introverts process by thinking, extroverts process by talking.

Both of my children are extroverts, one being is very extroverted. Talk about turning the tables on me. I am trying to learn to just listen to them without becoming overwhelmed with all of the talking.

Great article – I loved the topic. I found great resources on the Myers Briggs definitions of Extroversion and Introversion – they sum up the information for those in the dark.

]]> By: Barbara http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-31182 Barbara Tue, 21 Jul 2009 00:01:48 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-31182 Anonymous --- I'm glad you stopped by and commented. I wonder if people realize what they're saying when they complain about someone being an introvert --- basically telling someone who's perfectly normal that there's something wrong with them. I think usually they're just acting out of ignorance --- which means you're right that the public media image of introverts needs to change. I'm becoming more extroverted about explaining to others that I'm an introvert, but that's the only concession I hope I have to make, from here on out. I spent too many years already trying to please extroverts by trying to be more like them. It wears you down after a while. I'm tired. Thank you for visiting! :) Anonymous — I’m glad you stopped by and commented. I wonder if people realize what they’re saying when they complain about someone being an introvert — basically telling someone who’s perfectly normal that there’s something wrong with them. I think usually they’re just acting out of ignorance — which means you’re right that the public media image of introverts needs to change.

I’m becoming more extroverted about explaining to others that I’m an introvert, but that’s the only concession I hope I have to make, from here on out. I spent too many years already trying to please extroverts by trying to be more like them. It wears you down after a while. I’m tired.

Thank you for visiting! :)

]]> By: Anonymous http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-31177 Anonymous Mon, 20 Jul 2009 20:35:15 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-31177 I've been searching the internet for days trying to find some positive things about being an introvert. I'm so glad I found this blog. I was always considered shy, but what I constantly read in the media, like Barbara, that introverts (loners) are the mass murderers, the ills of society; you have to watch out for the quiet ones. I strongly disagree. I always thought sociopaths meant, being obscessed with popularity, people who crave being in the spotlight-another words- extremely social. But every meaning of the word that I looked up meant it to be anti-social. Like Eric said, is it the shy who are ill or society? That is such a great line. I have this person in my neighborhood who says he is ridiculously social; he works in information technology. He constantly hugs everyone. One time he counted the number of people he had by his house. I found that very odd! I find extroverts pushy, arrogant and very judgemental. I enjoy immensely my quiet times at home with my family. I think and focus better when I'm alone. I can't stand it when people say,"being anti-social isn't good for you." I'm not stuck up or a recluse. I don't crave the need for attention. There is nothing wrong with being content with your surroundings. There's seems to be more trouble in large social circles: fights, gossip, misuse of drugs and alcohol, infidelity... You hear it every day. But you don't hear the cause of it. But you do hear it all the time, especially in the media, of being a loner. That has to change. I’ve been searching the internet for days trying to find some positive things about being an introvert. I’m so glad I found this blog. I was always considered shy, but what I constantly read in the media, like Barbara, that introverts (loners) are the mass murderers, the ills of society; you have to watch out for the quiet ones. I strongly disagree. I always thought sociopaths meant, being obscessed with popularity, people who crave being in the spotlight-another words- extremely social. But every meaning of the word that I looked up meant it to be anti-social. Like Eric said, is it the shy who are ill or society? That is such a great line. I have this person in my neighborhood who says he is ridiculously social; he works in information technology. He constantly hugs everyone. One time he counted the number of people he had by his house. I found that very odd! I find extroverts pushy, arrogant and very judgemental. I enjoy immensely my quiet times at home with my family. I think and focus better when I’m alone. I can’t stand it when people say,”being anti-social isn’t good for you.” I’m not stuck up or a recluse. I don’t crave the need for attention. There is nothing wrong with being content with your surroundings. There’s seems to be more trouble in large social circles: fights, gossip, misuse of drugs and alcohol, infidelity… You hear it every day. But you don’t hear the cause of it. But you do hear it all the time, especially in the media, of being a loner. That has to change.

]]> By: Anonymous http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-31100 Anonymous Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:56:14 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-31100 I have always been extremely introverted. My teachers suggested to my parents that I was antisocial, and that was all the way back in 1962. The people fixers always seem to swarm me trying to "fix" what's wrong with me. Only problem with that is there's nothing wrong with me. I find being around people exhausting, and conversing difficult. At least when I'm alone, no one is trying to diagnose and repair me. I have always been extremely introverted. My teachers suggested to my parents that I was antisocial, and that was all the way back in 1962. The people fixers always seem to swarm me trying to “fix” what’s wrong with me. Only problem with that is there’s nothing wrong with me. I find being around people exhausting, and conversing difficult. At least when I’m alone, no one is trying to diagnose and repair me.

]]> By: yumiko http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/2006/04/10/extrovert-or-introvert/comment-page-1/#comment-27157 yumiko Sun, 07 Jun 2009 17:20:27 +0000 http://barbarawklaser.mysterynovelist.com/?p=265#comment-27157 I'm an introvert but because of maturity people can see me as a extrovert type of girl. But knowing and being an introvert it helps me to understand better who I really am. I'm proud to be an introvert. I’m an introvert but because of maturity people can see me as a extrovert type of girl. But knowing and being an introvert it helps me to understand better who I really am. I’m proud to be an introvert.

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